Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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