why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
