In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
