I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
