My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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