is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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