Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
