im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
