My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
