There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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