At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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