VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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