just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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