i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize