i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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