The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
