I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There r osticjed everywhere
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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