Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
