i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
