Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
