smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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