It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
