how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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