Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
