Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
