dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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