the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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