Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
