i wish my penis had a tongue
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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