just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
