Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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