If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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