Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
