Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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