What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
