Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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