I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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