seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
