mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
