I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
