dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
