We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
