When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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