I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
