One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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