I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
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I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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