I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
