Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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