Barsexuality is the new black.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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