he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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