My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
