since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
