my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
