hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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