I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
