great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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