it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
