My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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