my vag is so smooth its legendary
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
