Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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