do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
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WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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