I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
