Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
