you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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