my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
