so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
